The importance of connection

In my work as a tantra therapist, I meet people from all walks of life and all cultures. I am lucky to be able to meet the very innermost of people.

When I meet people in depth, I am struck by the fact that all people are fundamentally kind. We feel good when people around us feel good and it is our innermost desire to contribute to the well-being of others.

Another thing we humans have in common is our desire to live in freedom and love. We want to be able to be who we are when we meet each other and we want to be free to love! People need intimacy and love to feel good both mentally and physically.

But unfortunately, fear is embedded in our neurology. It is a remnant of our evolutionary survival instinct. Fear and negative thoughts release cortisol and adrenaline, hormones that in small local doses give us the power to escape or protect ourselves from danger. But if they are released for a longer period of time, they have a devastating effect on our immune system, our psyche and our behavior. Fear, prolonged stress and worry make us sick, physically, mentally and emotionally. Furthermore, it makes us suspicious of others and our suspicion leads to judgment and separation.

We humans are also not made to live as separated from each other as we do today. Lack of social contact and touch is as dangerous as smoking 20 cigarettes a day. When we don't get the social stimulation we need, we seek solace on the internet and sitting for hours in front of a computer leads to cardiovascular disease, obesity and depression.

I know that it is not easy to get out of loneliness and isolation. For many, it is even a big step to admit to yourself that you suffer from loneliness. Loneliness is often linked to a negative self-image that few people want to identify with. For comfort, I can tell you that the people you see shining the most in social media are probably the ones who feel the most alone and unsuccessful. Crying out loud for attention comes from a place of loneliness and feeling not seen.

The most responsible thing you can do if you feel alone is to admit it to yourself and then deal with your situation. Connect with people irl, not through social media or apps. Remember that we all crave connection.

For some people, the feeling of social isolation comes from an inability to be open with other people. Then it can be good to do in-depth therapeutic work with yourself where you can get the tools you need to be able to create meaningful and lasting relationships.

Remember that your vulnerability makes you lovable and that your dark sides make you interesting to others. You are worthy of love and your love is valuable to others…