Pre Menopause - a portal to PLEASURE!

I am so fascinated by what happens in the body during pre menopause.

I am so exceited over how the hormones shift, but even more by what happens in the nervous system.

What we often call “hormonal imbalance” around menopause is, from another angle, a change in how safety is created.

Estrogen connects very well with oxytocin, and throughout life this sweet cocktail has quietly supported many women by softening the nervous system into connection. It has helped us bond, attune, merge, and regulate our own nervous systems through relationships. When estrogen drops, it’s not just chemistry that changes. What changes is how the body experiences safety itself. The nervous system stops outsourcing regulation. What once came from being mirrored, desired, or held now asks to be generated from within.

This is why so many women feel less tolerant to “bullshit” after menopause. Less patient with misalignment and less willing to negotiate their truth. It can look like irritability or hardness from the outside, but from the inside it often feels like clarity. A deep “no” where there used to be compromise. Not because something is wrong, but because the body no longer escapes from discomfort with soothing.

Testosterone hasn’t suddenly increased. It’s simply no longer diluted. And testosterone, in a woman’s body, is not aggression, it’s direction. It’s the ability to hold charge without leaking energy. To want without apologizing. To let desire move with intention rather than performance. This is why many women in pre-menopause and beyond feel more self confident, more sovereign and more rooted in themselves. Sexuality shifts from something relational and responsive to something that originates inside.

There is also a change in how pleasure moves. Earlier in life, libido often depended on chemistry, novelty, or being chosen. Later, it depends on presence. Arousal never responded well to rush, pressure, or performance and now she knows. She wants space. Time. Breath and the nervous system needs to feel safe from within before it can feel erotic. And when it does, desire becomes less spiky and more tidal. Less goal oriented and more whole body.

If stress dominates this phase, if her cortisol levels are high, her sexual energy can get trapped in the adrenals instead of flowing through the pelvis and heart. Then testosterone feels edgy instead of erotic. Boundaries become rigid instead of clean. Desire turns into tension. This is often misread as “losing femininity,” when it’s actually unintegrated power. Shakti without grounding. Charge without softness.

But when safety is restored internally, something remarkable happens. Libido doesn’t disappear, it relocates, expands and grows. It moves from genitals to the entire body. From fantasy to sensation. From doing to being. Pleasure becomes less about peak and more about continuity. Less about being wanted and more about wanting itself.

This is why menopause, when met consciously, can feel like an initiation rather than a loss. Love no longer requires self-abandonment. Desire no longer negotiates for safety. Sexuality becomes an expression of sovereignty rather than exchange. The nervous system learns to stay open and boundaried at the same time, which is no small thing. It’s advanced. It’s earned.

This stage doesn’t ask us to become less sexual. It asks us to become more honest. To let eros have a spine. To let pleasure rise from inside the body instead of being pulled from the outside world. And when that happens, desire becomes quieter, deeper, and far more powerful than before.

Currently I am working on a program for maturing women, to get more out of their life.

Follow me and continue reading tomorrow for more concrete advices how to amp up your energy and your pleasure during menopause.