The power of a man’s presence

Returning back to civilisation and a surprise ride

It is the last day here in the desert and my jewel is going back home this afternoon with a friend and I am going to Tel Aviv with another friend. But my friend is stressed and encourages me to hurry, but I just can't think about leaving just yet. I decide to stay some more hours and finds another ride. A man who I have connected a bit with and who just like me is a event organizer. He is totally chill and when I ask when we are planning to leave, he tells me to go and have a caravan date with my jewel if I like and don’t worry about him. He will leave when I am ready. I am so grateful.

So we go back to the caravan, my jewel and I, one more time before it is time to say goodbye to each other, to our friends and to the desert. In me I can feel that there is to much that is unresolved. Meeting this man, sharing this night and everything that it brought up has moved a lot in me and I feel that time is too short. There is so much that wants to move through me and so little time. But after a little while I am relaxing in his arms again and all my stress is blown away. He is touching my yoni in a way that makes me scared for the energy that is releasing. I need something to cover my mouth, or a soundproof room covered with mattresses to handle my release. But his presence is so powerful that I can’t resist any more. He is touching my cervix and suddenly the whole body vibrates from the fast and subtle vibrations of the yoni. I cry, tears welling up in my eyes and with the tears comes the shame of crying, the guilt for taking too much space, the fear of scaring him with my emotions and the fear of him leaving me now when I am the most open.

But he stays and with his presence my shadows are washed away. He is not afraid, even if I can see that he wonders. He stays still with me and he looks me in the eyes. A new wave comes and I burst out in tears again. Who is this man? His love and presence nails me to the ground and forces all my shadows to release in the shivering of an orgasm. I want it to stop at the same time as i love it. I want to run away, to hide and yet I just want him to stay, in me, here forever. Fear of being rejected again, fear of not belonging, fear of not being loved, fear of being too much. It comes again, and I cry more. I can't move my hands, my fingers are stuck and laughter and cry mixes in my chest.

“You alright?” He asks me.

“Yes”, I cry, “I am very, very good”.

Then he holds me close to his strong body, so close and firm that I can't run away, but yet so gentle and with so much love. I can feel the energy moving up to my heart and a six centimeter area on the chest bone starts to vibrate in the same frequency as the cervix. Oh how I have been longing to feel this. The way it feels when the hearts starts to really open. I want to hold my breath and stay in this sensation for ever and ever. My heart vibrates and I can feel his heart vibrating in the same way.

Somehow we need to get back from the magic bubble in the caravan. I feel raw, the colors are brighter, the air is smoother than before and the sun; was it ever so warm and sweet to me as it is now? We have to say goodbye. We are sharing our insights and our gratitude with each other and of course the facebook details in case we need to connect in the future. I jump in the car with my new friend, the producer and we spend two amazingly inspiring hours on the road to Tel Aviv. My new friend has knowledge that I need and I am so excited to travel with him. I find a good hotel in Tel Aviv and he lets me out right outside the entrance.

I am tired and horny as hell. I need to mastrubate in the shower before I get dressed and wander off in the town to find a place to eat shakshuka and drink a glass of wine. In a way I feel very lonely as I walk back to the hotel. Something pulls me to the jewel man from the festival, but I can relax in it. I buy a big bar of chocolate and return to the hotel to watch a serie and indulge in chocolate. I fall asleep in the fluffy bed and I wake up shortly after ten, horny, restless and lonely. I open the phone and find a message from the jewel. He just arrived in Tel Aviv to go with the train to his hometown.

Now it is my turn to be brave and I do something I rarely do - I conquer my fear of being rejected and I send him a message: “Come to me!”

Fifteen minutes later he is at my door.

We go to drink a coffee even if it’s late and for the first time we have a real conversation about earthly things together. It's like getting to know him. He is on the beginning of his path as a tantric and he tells me about a woman he is dating, asking for advice in how to heal her yoni and her soul and I can feel so much love pouring out from him as he speaks about her. I have no idea who he is, why he feels this calling, but I feel so connected to him. We are both tired and horny and talkative and how much can you fit in between bedtime and having to catch a train in the morning. We hold each other tight as lovers do just before leaving each other for the very last time and I can feel that this meeting will play a important role in both of us and our personal journeys.

The morning after he leaves very early and I am alone in Tel Aviv.